a little check-in is overdue! so, admittedly i’ve been stuck in midterms and other schoolwork, but i’ve gotten some work in here and there.

going back to school really has kind of one-shotted my free time... but the main thing i’m working on right now is story planning.

umm, yea. 8 months in.

:: plan a game narrative...?

...or not.

when i started writing this, i started with the endings. i wouldn’t change that for a second. when i’m creating, thinking, whatever, i always veer towards the biggest, the most dramatic and extreme situations in the narrative- i mean, who doesn’t? with my base premise, i wrote out... i think five main endings? i popped them all out in a day. i was kinda possessed. they were fire btw.

the issue was more... getting there. i’ve never really written anything on this scope, or at least nothing this like, focused? cohesive? things that have to link and flow together well. i’ve played plenty of games in the genre and all its offshoots (obviously), and the rough structure i put together was good! three main opponents, story splitting about halfway, etc. i mean, i’m still using it. it works totally fine.

i planned one route in super heavy detail, but i was so excited to write that i was like, planning and writing at the same time? as in... charting the map while i was already on the way. given that i tend to get really lost in the scene when i get going- branching way off the original path- i thought it would be more or less fine. so it didn’t really seem that important.

i kind of locked in way too hard on one route though, and had... very, very minimal thoughts whatsoever for the entire rest of the game. yes it was the romantic one. sorry. sue me. whatever. i wanted them to kiss. as if that's my fault. either way it was not looking good. then i hit a roadblock on the only route i had plans for, and a total slump of “idk...”

when i forced myself to get writing again, i started with the scene where carmine meets sana. i really hated it, i knew i hated it, but i was trying to follow that ‘make it exist first, make it good later’ mentality. i’ve come to realize that does not work for me, especially with the extent to which my work and ideas build off of themselves. maybe a better way to frame it would be like, ‘slow down and build the actual foundation that you want and can refer back to first, perfect and polish it later.”

rewriting that scene took me AGES! ok, like a week. but for one scene of barely two pages, the hours and staring at the screen were ridiculous. it still isn’t quite right (i don’t think i’ll ever be truly happy with it), but it’s better. still though, i wasn’t sure entirely what i wanted after it... so i’ve really put my foot down on the half-hearted spitballing i was doing for a while.

i knew that to get motivated again, i needed to know where i was going. that sounds so obvious, but i make most of my life up as i go. it's worked so far. it did not work this time. still, especially due to the minor differences in the story- i needed a clear perspective of what was happening where, when, and based on what choice. so i’m not allowed to write the script for a bit. at least, not until the outline is much, much clearer- in all directions. (lol)

if you ever hear me say some shit like “dont worry itll come to me in the moment” again do not listen. it won't. i will sit there and stare at it and get mad and do something else. and then not finish that either.

:: start to finish!

actually, it’s going pretty well. the story feels better already, it's a lot more tangible and seamless. while planning for real (again), i noticed that a lot of the scenes i wrote for the 'clearer' route would fit much better in a different one i had nothing for. i’ve been moving things around, forcing myself to sit and come up with new stuff, and now i’m feeling excited about some of the storylines i had been less enthusiastic about!

man, filling in those gaps is really hard though. especially when you have such extreme endings ahead... starting isn’t too bad, the finale is the fun part, but getting there without things getting stale as the novelty wears off is tough.

the beginning of the game really shines due to how bizarre the storytelling is, and i noticed months ago that i really kind of hated everything past ch.2. that oddity had become standard and none of it felt... interesting anymore. i dunno. i'm hoping to change that this time around.

:: notes and adjustment

besides the structure, i made a list of the things i just wasn’t happy with inside the text itself. weirdly, the biggest one was how sexual things got. it wasn’t out of place or character, i just felt like carmine’s hornyposting on main wasn’t paced correctly. to the point that it was taking away from other elements of his relationship to sana. the story is about desire, sure, but it just wasn’t executed right. i'm hoping to balance it out and highlight some of the other components that draw them together.

oversaturation is no good... i want the scenes where carmine is really uh, 'losing his grip on things' to hit as intended.

my other issue was how literal things were- sana’s words and behavior were too tangible, they made too much sense. the exposition had gotten too literal as well. i want the writing in the game to really challenge the reader; to force them between the lines in order to comprehend it, to leave a lot of room in interpretation and the personal meaning taken from the language and events.

i don’t want to tell an easy story- i want the language to be just as complex and nuanced as the messaging. i honestly hate the thought of there being some sort of objective reading of the events and purpose... there’s a lot of ways to make sense of what happens. even i’m not really sure what’s literally happening during a lot of the scenes, that’s part of the point. i’ve actually had the most fun writing scenes where i’m not sure what’s going on. i like twisting the language into nonsense and getting to focus on how carmine feels, what (he thinks) he’s experiencing, etc.

:- this or that?

the original outline of the story had a lot of choices to flip things around, lots of potential to slide back and forth, etc. this is... fun in theory. but i noticed quickly that in order to achieve that, i would have to sacrifice a lot of interesting hardwired development. as in like, it wouldn't make sense for carmine to do [ x ] thing if he’d made a different choice earlier.

as much as i really like stories that can flip at any moment, i think it’s something to save for another project. while things are pretty rigid now, i feel strongly that it will ultimately be a more compelling experience. having lots of options isn’t really like, core to the messaging either. i’d rather get to say what i want to say clearly.

still, i’m hoping to sneak in opportunities for meaningful choices that don’t actually change the ending. especially action-based ones- i’ve realized every choice in the game is based on something carmine says, not does. i really enjoy when a game lets you quietly shape the character, changing the overall context and experience regardless of the same end point.

tbh, i think this is why i was struggling to come up with different storylines.

:- down the road

right now, there are three routes. they all diverge at more or less the same point, but some are longer than others. one of them has two different endings, but it splits at the very last second, so i've just been calling it one route. most of the endings haven't changed from the initial concepts. not to sound conceited, but they really are quite good. ;)

oh, i did i cut one... honestly, it wasn’t really that interesting? it was supposed to be a repeat throwaway ending for when you lose a fight. but idk... i think a quicker game over screen with some quick lines about retrying/rewinding makes more sense than rewriting the same ending like, 25 times with vaguely different context.

there’s also a secret true end, btw! originally it was going to be a full length route too, but i’ve decided against that as well. making the right choice will take the player immediately into the end... it's better this way, trust me. please look forward to it!

well, i actually took the original true end and combined it with one of the standard endings to make it more interesting... the standard one had a really strong message/narrative theme, but not enough actual events and action. there is... quite a bit of action in it now, to say the least.

i made that shift a while ago, and the true ending(s) (you’ll see :P) have been very fuzzy to me since. but! out of nowhere i came up with a totally new end to replace part of the lost content just the other day... i really, really like it. honestly, having been written 8 months after all the other ones, its interesting to me just how different it is. i won’t say any more than that!

i wonder if it will be obvious which one of the endings was conceptualized after a lot of development and character work had already been done...

that’s more or less where things stand now. planning is going well! thank goodness, honestly. i doubt i’ll be getting back to the script anytime soon, but i do really enjoy just thinking about scenarios and refining them. it’s creatively exhausting, sure, but i honestly have a harder time deciding what to cut than trying to think of things. maybe having so many ideas is how i got into this mess in the first place...

i just, er... maybe need to put more time and thought into sorting through them- sending them in the right direction, and all.